I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
