why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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