If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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