Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
