We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
