oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
