Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
