The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
