Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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