I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
one two three fourrrrnication!
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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