Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
