bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
