if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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