and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
