I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
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It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
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Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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