Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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