508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
