you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
