I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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