I can tuck mytits in my pants
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
