You made me cry and you don't even care
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
