$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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