I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
