my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Shame - the story of my life.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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