Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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