dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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