Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
