We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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