Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
