I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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