I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Drunk is not a location!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
