Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
