I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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