If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize