The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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