Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize