I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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