That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
where are you?
Hypothermia
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drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
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He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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