um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Found your dick twin last night
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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