he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Swine flu is the new snow day.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I will be naked everywhere
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
