a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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