dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
