I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize