I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
