this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
