I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
