I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
