He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
