exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize