He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This is my gift to your gina
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
