Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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