And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
