so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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