is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
