He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
