this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
