The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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