So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
