I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize