So drunk its hurt
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
