ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
