Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Sext me about skeletons
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
