we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
