I puked a lego.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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