When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
