THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
