I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
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I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
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I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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