so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
